Day Seventeen

Last night she did not have the mood even to scribble something in the diary. Yet she had to. Her commitment to true history was sufficient to make  her write even in the most adverse of conditions. Only her diary would come to the help of a history student one thousand years thence, to write impartially and without political leaning. If, on the other hand, someone chooses to commit suicide on the railway track or jump in a well, she would not be responsible! She has written this in the first page itself, using a red sketch pen.

Bhaskaran Nair was not there in the office when she returned after the lunch with Shaji. When she narrated the lunch episode, Malathy said.

‘Nancy you are very bold. Had I been half as bold, I would have been saved.’

It is good that the dowry issue was raised, said Malathy. Two months back she too had a proposal. The prospective groom and his family members liked her. It was almost certain that the marriage will be fixed. It was at that time that the dowry issue was raised.

‘We are not demanding any dowry. The boy has some outstanding loan on account of the purchase of his taxi car. That need be paid. One lakh is required for that. The girl whom his elder brother brought home had thirty sovereigns of gold ornaments.’

Father informed them that the ornaments can somehow be arranged, but not the cash. With that the proposal got aborted.

‘In our community also, people demand and take dowry,’ she said.

In the evening when she narrated the lunch time happenings, Mary said, ‘Why did you say all those things? Let the elders handle such matters.’

‘It is not enough to leave things to the elders.’

‘Ahem, what did he say?’

‘He will be firm on three lakhs. He said that if need be, he can demand more in future. Dad has a huge stock of cash infested with fungus due to storage; that’s what I told him!’  

Mary looked at her sister in exasperation. She did not know whether to laugh or to get angry. All encounters with her younger sister had the same fate.

Dad’s photo is kept on the table. Nancy thought of Dad. He had brought that photo when he came home on leave last time. Through the thin glass of the photo frame, the man in his sixties with thick greying moustache and eyebrows which had developed white strands, looked at his daughters affectionately with his weary eyes.

‘My dear ones, this is dad’s official uniform.’

He was Security officer at a large factory in Kanjur Marg in Mumbai. Twenty-five security guards are working under him. Still when any executive of the company comes in their car, he himself would come out of the outpost and salute him. He used to say,

‘Dear ones, this is a dog’s life. I had to undertake this job as I had no option.’

Saluting the young executives of the company is totally different from saluting the superiors in the army. In the army there is discipline and hierarchy. Superior officers earn respect with their positions and insignia. That is not the situation here.

In the company’s residential quarters, father lives alone at this age cooking his own food and eating alone. For my sake, Nancy thought. She felt anger brewing inside towards the world. Animals who bargain. Dogs!

She felt sorry once she compared humans with the dogs. If the dogs file defamation suit it would pose problems for her. After uttering a lot of curses, she said to herself, ‘now I feel better!”

The candle that she lit in front of the picture of Jesus in the bed room when she got back from her office, is about to die. She remembered Rajan.

The Saviour!

‘I have written in detail to dad about the marriage proposal and their visit to see you.’ Said Mary, ‘he may perhaps call you over phone. Don’t upset dad by saying unpleasant things.’

‘I am not going to say anything.’ Then looking at the picture of Jesus for a moment she said, ‘so glamorous, isn’t he sister!’

Mary kept quiet. She felt like hitting Nancy on her head with her knuckles!

‘I wish to make a confession tomorrow itself.’ Nancy said.

‘Confession?’

‘Yes, I have committed many a sin.’

‘What sin?’ Mary asked anxiously.

‘Those can only be confessed. Open your heart only in front of the Lord. Confess, seek pardon.’

‘Oh Lord!’ Mary drew a cross in her mind and said, ‘hope this girl has not got herself into any serious issues.’

Suppressing her temptation to see the Poojary at the temple, Nancy went straight to the church. Father was in the church house.

‘Praise the Lord, Father.’ Nancy said.

‘Always and forever, May the Lord be praised.’ Father said blessing her. When she told that she wished to confess, Father got very alert. The little lamb who lost its way is returning on its own!

‘You go ahead; I will be coming in a moment.’

Nancy waited at the Confession Box. When she saw Father Valiyedath coming carrying the holy book, she entered the confession Box.

‘I believe in the Almighty God ....’

There was silence on the other side. Nancy could make out that Father was waiting breathless.

‘Yesterday I lied to a person and misguided him Father.’

Misguided? Father Valiyedath did not find it a serious offence. If one person gets misguided by the lies uttered by another, it only means that he does not deserve to live. Father said,

‘Say it clearly.’

‘I had this marriage proposal. That boy informed me that he wanted to speak to me.’

‘Then?’

‘He demanded three lakhs and forty sovereigns. I said he demanded much less. I also told him that my dad has a huge stock of money and he would give it just by asking.’

‘Child, why did you say so?’

‘Father, may I ask one question?’

Father Valiyedath did not accede immediately. Father knew this girl. He feared that her questions could land him in trouble. Once the thought came back to his mind that he is the shepherd and the one in front of him is the little lamb going astray, he said.

‘Okay, proceed.’

 ‘Father, where in the holy book is it written that dowry maybe demanded?’

Father thought. No, it is neither there in the Old Testament nor in the New Testament, kindly given to us by the Lord. Father said.

‘Nowhere is it said, child.’

‘In that case, is it not a sin to demand dowry?’

‘For that matter child, it is not written anywhere in the holy book that dowry should not be demanded.’

‘So, Father, you say that it is not a sin?’

‘Child,’ Father asked in a deep resentment, ‘Who is confessing, you or me?’

Father Valiyedath knew pretty well that if he intervenes in matters such as dowry, at the end there would only his own shadow to support him. These little lambs will go their own way in search of greener pastures. When Father Valiyedath imagined himself as the old shepherd with grey hair and beard carrying the shepherd’s stick and walking alone, he thought; no, I should not let it happen.  

Father remained in the confession cabin long after Nancy left. He divided the Holy book at random and opened it. That was the book of psalms.

‘Lord! Save me from

The lips that utter lies

And tongue that betrays.’

It would have been easy for David to write those Psalms.

Church yard was empty. Son of God crucified is on the altar. Father tasted defeat. ‘Lord, why should I suffer like this?’